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They look great in the store but once you get them home they become really uncomfortable!

As a success coach, I work in many areas of life; career desire, fitness and weight management, goal clarity, emotional mastery and relationship balance. I find relationships the most interesting and yet the most complex. Everything we in life we engage in IS a relationship. There’s a direct correlation as to how we react in an intimate relationship and how we respond to our friends, family, and social or work environments. With relationships the challenge is never the other person, it’s your choice of that person in the relationship! And because we’ve all had an opportunity to engage in good and bad ones, everyone can relate to the intention of this article.

I’ve interviewed thousands of people in relationships to find what ingredients make up a great recipe for success. (The secret is at the end of this article.)

Relationships can be challenging, but marriage can be overwhelming if you are not with the right partner. Yes, I know, there will be bad and tough times as well as good and great times. But it’s not if those experiences will happen, it’s when and how will you react to them that will determine the survival or growth of the relationship. There’s a cute joke that is; “It’s true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.”

But you know all this already don’t you? So why then do we repeat the same mistakes again and again? Habit? Genetics? Insanity? Einstein’s definition of insanity was; “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” Sound familiar? Well, the real answer is because it’s what we’re most comfortable with. Our nervous system, our body/mind, as Deepak Chopra calls it, is stuck on auto-pilot. It’s constantly searching out our environment for what we KNOW! What looks, sounds and feels familiar… comfortable! The challenge is we do not recognize our mistakes until it becomes UN-comfortable for us, usually about 6 months to 2 years down the road. Deep into the relationship is too late to be asking yourself, what am I doing here?

In life, everything we are and will become will be predicated upon one thing; the decisions we make. Every moment of your life you’re making decisions, deciding on something. Making simple and complex decisions shape the course and direction of your life. Decisions are the basis for the quality of life you lead. Each decision you make; to go left or right, buy this or that, take this job instead of that, go out with him or her, produces the results we live with every day of our lives.

The challenge is most people utilize poor decision-making strategies. We make decisions based on the emotional state we’re in at the moment we are deciding. We typically decide in the moment rather than taking into consideration how the results will impact our future. It’s like blaming the shoes for being too tight!

I often say to my clients and when presenting my NLP workshops, “it’s literally impossible to make a logical decision.” Think about it, every decision we make is predicated upon what? How we feel at the moment we are making it! Logic plays a secondary role within our decision making strategies. Regardless of the quality of information we’ve gathered, we often decide based upon our feelings about the choices before us.

Our best decisions are made being mindful of our values; what is most important to us. Therefore, it is critical to understand your personal values before making life-changing decisions. When you are aware of your values and criteria, and faithfully follow them in selecting a partner, your chances of success improve tremendously. You will no longer be running by the soles of your feet!

Below are 50 characteristics which will help you recognize what is most important for you in your current or next relationship. Looking at the list before you, circle 20 traits that you desire in a mate. Of those 20, choose and write out 10 on a separate sheet or on the back. Prioritize those 10 traits from 1 being most important to 10 being of lesser importance. The top 3 traits are the ones you require in a relationship. These are your deal-breakers!

Humorous............................................. Age
Sensitive/Considerate............................ Tall/Short
Understanding....................................... Blonde/Brunette
Open minded........................................ Hairy
Communicative..................................... Skinny/Heavy
Goal oriented........................................ Blue/Grn/Brn Eyes
Morals/Values....................................... Kind/Caring
Positive attitude..................................... Secure
Charming.............................................. Sexual
Financially secure.................................. Romantic/Nasty
Outgoing/Extroverted.............................. Passionate
Athletic/Physically fit............................. Generous
Health conscious................................... Independent
Honest.................................................. Drug-free
Loyal/Monogamous................................ Non-smoker
Integrity................................................ Cleanliness
Handsome/Pretty................................... Personal hygiene
Dress’ well............................................ Great cook
Religion................................................. Interests
Family oriented....................................... Organized
Been married or not................................. Sexually safe
Has kids................................................. Spontaneous
Worldly................................................... Educated

Using these 10 values as a template for your wants, desires and needs will give you a better understanding and awareness when selecting a prospective date/spouse the next time you go shopping. Now knowing what is most important to you, you will shop with confidence -- as you’ll have no delusions about what you’re looking for.

And, yes, the secret is in making a quality decision based upon knowing your deal breakers and choosing wisely. Be patient! Do a little "sole-searching!" You will find someone who's head over heels for you! Perfect... but just for YOU!